She Likes Big Words

everything feels so temporary.  promises  are only organized words much like anything else, and the only  thing you get for sure  is sleep.. eventually.    unless you're me, then even  thats not for sure...heh

renting an apartment is nothing more than a prolonged legally binding hotel stay minus the hospitality.  here you have to change your own sheets and  replace your own soap.  but its still temporary and not yours.

I wish I could own a house... soon I will.    it sounds totally gay but thats one of my biggest goals in life.  I dont want to grow old and die a tenant.  literally or figuratively. 

someone told me exactly what i needed to hear.

today is one of those gray days.

last night went out to the sunrise , good times  more incriminating photos to look back on and love. 
if i could marry that bar, i probably would


today me and tox are laying  low and doing  coupley  things.  we  just got  back from Acme.. now I'm cooking us some awesome velveta shells and cheese because  its god.

my head is itchy

my brain is shutting down lol

my body went  to sleep two days ago.

People wonder why I'm so "self-involved"  or "up in my own head".    I like it there.   I dont know what I would do without an outlet.   I think I want to hit up the store and get some munchies,  then get back to work before I lose my drive for the night.  Got some new vst's yesterday that I've been dying to play with.


xoxo

Right now.... its 105am.   I dont see sleep coming anytime in the near future.

I have so much on my mind right now. Things that I can't really talk about. Not because theyre weird or personal, actually its the complete opposite. I just don't feel like explaining myself.
On a similar note... I'm disappointed. I put faith into too many things and too many people in the past...I dont know... 22 years.
When does that change?
When is the world around me going to start evolving with me?
Whatever, thats my impending-doom-streak talking, not me.


I'm also annoyed because my back fucking hurts. I cant sit in the same position for longer than 10 minutes at a time.

I know I'm not going to sleep tonight and KNOWING that makes it suck even more.
maybe I should get sleeping pills.  or maybe I cant swallow pills bc my stomach was manufactured in hell

It doesn't take a genius to figure out that 2007 was hands down the year of the beast. We've all been a little let down
Thankfully 08 is looking up.  right now I'm sick as hell , but itll pass. and when it does... awesome will return.

I promise to keep up with this one

xoxo
av

To all of you that I did not personally email....
I love you!

Its hard to sleep sometimes without him holding me. Hes my best friend, my lover and my muse. I couldnt have dreamed a more amazing person to spend forever with.
When everyone else burns out on me...he's there. He loves me even when I wake up in the morning with smudgy eyebrows and tussled hair. He loves me even when my eyes are poofy and swollen from crying. He loves me even with my bad habbits. He loves me when were 40 miles apart. He loved me when I had quadro-hips for a few weeks...haha
I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have such an amazing man in my life.
I've never been so happy. The rest of the world could burn down around us...and I wouldnt care. I've never felt this way before. I never let myself. I'm glad I waited. He's my heart and I love him more than anything. The most beautiful man in this world.